Why Be Good When Your Best Isn't Good Enough?

This has not been a good time for me to be exposed to suffering. I'M SUFFERING. I have 8 assignments and 11 days hmmmm (very tempted to say ?!%# the Sabbath). I don't have a job yet know I'm supposed to be in school next year (I believe in God's provision but would like some indication in the direction he expects from me this summer). My close friends are suffering. One has an internship in a town she loves and her family is struggling; one is dying of cancer and though the answer of why isn't coming, the pain of everyone's eyes is what makes it hardest for him to fight; one just lost her husband and because of his town status many are gossiping already of the possible unnatural causes; one is struggling in his faith and struggling to save his marriage with a wife who gave up long ago; one is trying to become married but the women God sends need therapy more than they need a husband, so he becomes their friend, stands strong with them and waits wondering if marriage will happen.

The book that I've come to love and trust says:

So let us keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision - you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it. Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them.

It is easy to say that "it will be better on the other side" when we are at our lowest. It is easy to say "someday we'll look back on this positively" when we want to forget our pains and sorrows. The reality is that our lives sometimes don't feel like what we set out for and sometimes the weight feels too heavy to bare.

My tears tonight will be real and and hard as I worry for my friends while fighting to stay afloat myself. The only thing getting me by tonight will be the words of Martin Smith from Delirious

"Find Me in the River"
Find me in the river, find me on my knees.
I've walked against the water now I'm begging if you please
We didn't count on suffering, we didn't count on pain
But if the blessing's in the valley, then in the river I will remain.

Wow, it must be crunch-time for everybody! Take heart! In a month, 2 at the most, it will be summer break and we'll all be able to think about whatever we feel like thinking about!

Personally, I plan on thinking about Spongebob....every weekday at 4. And crochet. Annnd.....well, that's probably about it.

Hurry up summer!!!
Paper, write yourself!!
Projects, project yourselves!!

Sigh. Back to work.