Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Why Be Good?
Wow I must be stressed lately. In 2 days I have had to undo everything I've done in 2 days :P Its amazing my character because many people thought it was natural for me to behave that way. That way was loud and annoyed at the world - I'm 31 and I already sound like a 40+ year old Sociology prof... GREAT grrrr. Hahahahaha.
I've started an excercise program this week and reversed my days so I'm getting up earlier, but still I admit it - I HATE BEING SINGLE (and being around so many beautiful women)! And maybe there is the rub, acting like a jerk and disattracting beautiful women who will never think of me as much more than a big brother. Seeing my little sister just get married didn't help much either.
Another thing this is rubbing me the wrong way is looking at how much I thought I would have learned at school by now and how much speculation I'm allowed to leave into the real world with. I felt better prepared (yes falsely, but) coming out of a Bachelor of Arts at UCC than this and I've had 2 internships and just 1 semester left. I feel like a fact filled person being put out into a naive world, but having all the wrong facts. Its frustratings - maybe I haven't asked the right questions or maybe I'm just scared to be out on my own after flopping the first time.
Then the big issue - 31, single, 2 degrees, no car, no house and BROKE. I look at those facts and just think LOSER. I'd have more potential being put back to coming out into the world in 1999 and getting to face it again with my life experience than facing it now. Maybe I'm supposed to be single and near empoverished my whole life to help those on the street (but I keep thinking different on all accounts). God let there be someone out there who will put up with me and push me while I work to keep us not broke, so we can have a house (even if its a small one), a car (oh a Swift is heaven on wheels), and share the adventure of life with me.
(It goes without saying that I'd treat her like a queen, get in trouble for dipping into the car/vacation account to buy her roses and take her out for dinner just cuz... and just listen to the beauty of what she has to say - her ideas, dreams and wishes....)
I've started an excercise program this week and reversed my days so I'm getting up earlier, but still I admit it - I HATE BEING SINGLE (and being around so many beautiful women)! And maybe there is the rub, acting like a jerk and disattracting beautiful women who will never think of me as much more than a big brother. Seeing my little sister just get married didn't help much either.
Another thing this is rubbing me the wrong way is looking at how much I thought I would have learned at school by now and how much speculation I'm allowed to leave into the real world with. I felt better prepared (yes falsely, but) coming out of a Bachelor of Arts at UCC than this and I've had 2 internships and just 1 semester left. I feel like a fact filled person being put out into a naive world, but having all the wrong facts. Its frustratings - maybe I haven't asked the right questions or maybe I'm just scared to be out on my own after flopping the first time.
Then the big issue - 31, single, 2 degrees, no car, no house and BROKE. I look at those facts and just think LOSER. I'd have more potential being put back to coming out into the world in 1999 and getting to face it again with my life experience than facing it now. Maybe I'm supposed to be single and near empoverished my whole life to help those on the street (but I keep thinking different on all accounts). God let there be someone out there who will put up with me and push me while I work to keep us not broke, so we can have a house (even if its a small one), a car (oh a Swift is heaven on wheels), and share the adventure of life with me.
(It goes without saying that I'd treat her like a queen, get in trouble for dipping into the car/vacation account to buy her roses and take her out for dinner just cuz... and just listen to the beauty of what she has to say - her ideas, dreams and wishes....)
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Procrastination
Why is it always near the end that the littlest task seems so heavy. I mean its a stupid paper that in the end won't kill me but at the same time it is the same work I've always had to do (research, structure, inspiration, and output shear brilliance). Maybe the brilliance is starting to fade with age, or maybe I'm nervous about the idea of stepping out AGAIN on my own, since the last time didn't go so hot.
Just to note I have 3 papers and 3 courses are done (29 pages) then there are just 9 courses left. Of course there is just 2 major papers (24 pages), 1 minor paper (5 pages of q & a) and 2 tests and 2 more of those courses are dust. Then there are the 4 courses this semester and then 3 left and of course I've started 1 of that 3 (which should be done by semester's end) leaving 2 for January and February (extra curricular fun).
If you followed all that you'll see how I feel - I'm screwed.... but that just gives me another reason to procrastinate! So here I go to finish those first 3 papers which is all I can look at now.
Just to note I have 3 papers and 3 courses are done (29 pages) then there are just 9 courses left. Of course there is just 2 major papers (24 pages), 1 minor paper (5 pages of q & a) and 2 tests and 2 more of those courses are dust. Then there are the 4 courses this semester and then 3 left and of course I've started 1 of that 3 (which should be done by semester's end) leaving 2 for January and February (extra curricular fun).
If you followed all that you'll see how I feel - I'm screwed.... but that just gives me another reason to procrastinate! So here I go to finish those first 3 papers which is all I can look at now.
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