Thursday, January 31, 2008
Which Life Would You Choose?
I am really confused right now because of a statement my mother made: "I do hope something really good happens for you soon - it has been a bit of a negative Winter for you so far!" What would you make of a statement like this?
Here are my last 3 months in a nutshell: my car broke down because of something the previous owners failed to do and let me know about AGAIN, I am finding the work I do stressful due to a lack of apparent progress and the amount of work I put into my work, I had my income halved and student loans came due, I only have two local friends I can talk to about finances who are not struggling in financial debt, I just don't seem to have time to do the cleaning I want around my house, it is warming up to -9 Celcius from the -23 it has been the rest of the week, and most of all I miss certain friends who are amazing support and are out of the country working for a while.
That being said I just found another local group to come along side and partner in the street work I and they currently do, needs are being met and financial opportunities are existing (people helping out and I am getting odd jobs and contracts to pay the bills I need to pay) to a point I may be able to get ahead of the debt load in front of me (how?), I have been able to continue to invest my money monthly (I have not cut back here at all) even though I'm on the tightest budget of my life, I am alive (that has to count for something), I am delusionally happy and satisfied, and people are starting to see my effort and put their trust and support with me - this gives me hope.
My message? Basically I keep landing on my feet. I can't explain it, but by not letting things make me get frustrated, I've found contentment and satisfaction. The things I have been most afraid of all my life have become my greatest opportunities. In this case it is surviving when my parents live so far away, yet here I am still alive and plodding along and seeing successes where I haven't expected. I have found the things I thought I wanted most have became my greatest lessons in why I wouldn't want those things at all in the first place. I am not defined by need OR want, but as a person. I have needs but they are not a drive or control me.
If you told me a month or two before this I would be where I was, I would have dug in tighter and fought the need to let go even harder. I think depression would be an understatement and my existence would be dismal. So am I delusional and crazy? Only time will tell whether this turn is a good one. I am grateful for this change in my expectation and the excitement I face each morning as I get up. Yay life!
Here are my last 3 months in a nutshell: my car broke down because of something the previous owners failed to do and let me know about AGAIN, I am finding the work I do stressful due to a lack of apparent progress and the amount of work I put into my work, I had my income halved and student loans came due, I only have two local friends I can talk to about finances who are not struggling in financial debt, I just don't seem to have time to do the cleaning I want around my house, it is warming up to -9 Celcius from the -23 it has been the rest of the week, and most of all I miss certain friends who are amazing support and are out of the country working for a while.
That being said I just found another local group to come along side and partner in the street work I and they currently do, needs are being met and financial opportunities are existing (people helping out and I am getting odd jobs and contracts to pay the bills I need to pay) to a point I may be able to get ahead of the debt load in front of me (how?), I have been able to continue to invest my money monthly (I have not cut back here at all) even though I'm on the tightest budget of my life, I am alive (that has to count for something), I am delusionally happy and satisfied, and people are starting to see my effort and put their trust and support with me - this gives me hope.
My message? Basically I keep landing on my feet. I can't explain it, but by not letting things make me get frustrated, I've found contentment and satisfaction. The things I have been most afraid of all my life have become my greatest opportunities. In this case it is surviving when my parents live so far away, yet here I am still alive and plodding along and seeing successes where I haven't expected. I have found the things I thought I wanted most have became my greatest lessons in why I wouldn't want those things at all in the first place. I am not defined by need OR want, but as a person. I have needs but they are not a drive or control me.
If you told me a month or two before this I would be where I was, I would have dug in tighter and fought the need to let go even harder. I think depression would be an understatement and my existence would be dismal. So am I delusional and crazy? Only time will tell whether this turn is a good one. I am grateful for this change in my expectation and the excitement I face each morning as I get up. Yay life!
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