Saturday, November 25, 2006
Policy but not humanity
How do you deal with change? I guess I get to accept it and try to learn from it...
This week I was given quite a blow to my ego. A policy at my school requires me to spend my last semester at school or else they will not graduate me. The reason is sound - they have too many people who have not completed their degrees, so in order to keep the grad numbers up they require everyone to spend their last semester in classes here. Upon further research I found, this policy is enforced in several colleges throughout Canada and after going through the various levels of government at my school they will not bend for me. I was even told they do not care about the fact I will have to futher my debt in order to stay (it was "not a justified reason to allow you (me) to leave").
It is hard to think of because I had already started to think of home and what that would mean to me over the next 6 months. The idea of being at home means having a job where I'm making and keeping money instead of steadily giving into a bottomless pit. I'd finally be paying off my student loans and reducing the number of people I pay off (because I fall under an old and new system I have 4 loans through 3 creditors), instead of having to talk to them regularly and arrange to get annoying paperwork that they'd have anyways stating I'm at school. With the money I used to get ahead with I'd be working myself into my own place, so I can have a home office and place bigger than a dorm room to entertain, cook for myself and be in different rooms with the peace of knowing who might walk in. I was excited to be home working with the youth I know and miss so much (there are certain ones that I've put time into helping that are just reaching a point of HELPING me out, imagine that). I was talking about ideas that have been brewing for years finally coming to fruition and I was going to get to play a role in these areas I've sweated, dreams, and prayed over. The biggest gap is friends that I value SO much and I hate saying goodbye to them everytime I have to go off to school. I hate having to arrange a time so we can talk over the phone or MSN. I am so ready to go home and call it home!
Instead this means to me back on student loans. I so detest debt. I will have to have a job or else I won't be able to afford stuff since student loans reorganized its priorities on how to HELP people with their funding (they cut 5,000 a year out of people's loans because they felt that the amount distributed was too much though it was at the bare minimum of tuition and books -no one could afford to live and many needed to find jobs on top... now I have several friends who won't be back in semester 2 cuz they spent most their year long lones in semester 1... way to go government!!!). This means getting a job (of which I officially got my first of possible 2 today washing dishes for 14-20 hours/week on Wednesdays & Weekends) and rebalancing what could have been a sane schedule for the first time in my life. I will be taking 3 classes - the least in my life but with the added work I just lost out on the chance to enjoy them. The biggest of course is putting off plans I had in developing opportunities for me as I go out into the real world - the post school world.
I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the few positives given to me by those glad I'm staying. There is very good sushi places down here and none at home and my sushi addicted friends are excited I'll get to be here for that (though I work on the all you can eat days). There are boundless places to go for coffee and only a few solid places back home (that being said the number of coffee addicts is directly related back home). I will have more time to put into my coastal friends before I leave. Some this is bad, some this is good. Finally my personal growth can muster through this safe place of refuge. In some ways I still need to figure out stuff where I'm safe to be me and others I need the real world to struggle with and make my peace with. Oh and I'd be dumb if I didn't mention 2 others: the chance to do 1 more Lan Fest (a week of networked computers, endless games, and eyes melting out of your head) and my last security detail at Spark - a preteen retreat (I'd better train a replacement this year as it is my last patrol. I thought last year was but the guy I trained never came back - Graham grrr).
There is my thought of my change of plans in a nutshell. I so hope it doesn't change too much more!
This week I was given quite a blow to my ego. A policy at my school requires me to spend my last semester at school or else they will not graduate me. The reason is sound - they have too many people who have not completed their degrees, so in order to keep the grad numbers up they require everyone to spend their last semester in classes here. Upon further research I found, this policy is enforced in several colleges throughout Canada and after going through the various levels of government at my school they will not bend for me. I was even told they do not care about the fact I will have to futher my debt in order to stay (it was "not a justified reason to allow you (me) to leave").
It is hard to think of because I had already started to think of home and what that would mean to me over the next 6 months. The idea of being at home means having a job where I'm making and keeping money instead of steadily giving into a bottomless pit. I'd finally be paying off my student loans and reducing the number of people I pay off (because I fall under an old and new system I have 4 loans through 3 creditors), instead of having to talk to them regularly and arrange to get annoying paperwork that they'd have anyways stating I'm at school. With the money I used to get ahead with I'd be working myself into my own place, so I can have a home office and place bigger than a dorm room to entertain, cook for myself and be in different rooms with the peace of knowing who might walk in. I was excited to be home working with the youth I know and miss so much (there are certain ones that I've put time into helping that are just reaching a point of HELPING me out, imagine that). I was talking about ideas that have been brewing for years finally coming to fruition and I was going to get to play a role in these areas I've sweated, dreams, and prayed over. The biggest gap is friends that I value SO much and I hate saying goodbye to them everytime I have to go off to school. I hate having to arrange a time so we can talk over the phone or MSN. I am so ready to go home and call it home!
Instead this means to me back on student loans. I so detest debt. I will have to have a job or else I won't be able to afford stuff since student loans reorganized its priorities on how to HELP people with their funding (they cut 5,000 a year out of people's loans because they felt that the amount distributed was too much though it was at the bare minimum of tuition and books -no one could afford to live and many needed to find jobs on top... now I have several friends who won't be back in semester 2 cuz they spent most their year long lones in semester 1... way to go government!!!). This means getting a job (of which I officially got my first of possible 2 today washing dishes for 14-20 hours/week on Wednesdays & Weekends) and rebalancing what could have been a sane schedule for the first time in my life. I will be taking 3 classes - the least in my life but with the added work I just lost out on the chance to enjoy them. The biggest of course is putting off plans I had in developing opportunities for me as I go out into the real world - the post school world.
I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the few positives given to me by those glad I'm staying. There is very good sushi places down here and none at home and my sushi addicted friends are excited I'll get to be here for that (though I work on the all you can eat days). There are boundless places to go for coffee and only a few solid places back home (that being said the number of coffee addicts is directly related back home). I will have more time to put into my coastal friends before I leave. Some this is bad, some this is good. Finally my personal growth can muster through this safe place of refuge. In some ways I still need to figure out stuff where I'm safe to be me and others I need the real world to struggle with and make my peace with. Oh and I'd be dumb if I didn't mention 2 others: the chance to do 1 more Lan Fest (a week of networked computers, endless games, and eyes melting out of your head) and my last security detail at Spark - a preteen retreat (I'd better train a replacement this year as it is my last patrol. I thought last year was but the guy I trained never came back - Graham grrr).
There is my thought of my change of plans in a nutshell. I so hope it doesn't change too much more!
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