Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Sensitivity
I've been thinking a lot about sensitivity lately. It really sucks to be sensitive sometimes, you know? Like if you have sensitive skin, for example, you have to always be so careful-buy specific moisturizers, makeup, sunscreens, and really pay attention to it or you'll look and feel like a dragon! (or worse!)
And if you have sensitive emotions, oh no, you're really in trouble! Heart so easily given...and broken. So hard to bounce back when someone hurts you. Life's a soap opera.
But I was thinking....I'm actually going to school to learn how to be MORE sensitive! More sensitive?!?! Am I crazy?? But I guess it's different, because I'm learning to be more sensitive to other people instead of myself. I'm learning to look outside myself and my own jumble of emotions, problems, decisions on what kind of soap to buy.
I'm a pretty sensitive person already. I care about people, perhaps too much, and I've always been concerned and have wanted to help others with their problems. But lately I've been thinking that I still have a ways to go.
Maybe I'm just becoming a democrat (don't tell my parents!!) but today I found myself wanting to and actually speaking words of comfort and support to a classmate who recently had an abortion. A brave soul to tell her story to the class, she was concerned that we were going to judge her, to which I replied,
"How could we judge you?" How could I judge her?
Oh man, this goes against everything I've stood for. Abortion. Taking the life of another human being. ...Murder.
For the same amount of time I've been mourning the loss of a self-centered, emotionally-unavailable boyfriend, she's been mourning the death of a child.
I think it was in understanding her. Understanding her situation. I don't know. I'm not saying I'm changing my position on the issue, but you know what? I found myself thinking she made the right decision, yet mourning with her because it wasn't the decision she wanted to make.
Still, I'm shocked at myself. How could I be so non-judgmental? So considerate? Encouraging even? How could I even care? This is NOT what I'm being taught at church.
So...........Being sensitive hurts. It's pretty difficult all-around. I'm starting to find out that it may even necessitate a paradigm shift. Oh no, not again. But I can't get away from a deep desire to be a more sensitive person, Christian. Is that masochistic? Well, maybe I am then.
And if you have sensitive emotions, oh no, you're really in trouble! Heart so easily given...and broken. So hard to bounce back when someone hurts you. Life's a soap opera.
But I was thinking....I'm actually going to school to learn how to be MORE sensitive! More sensitive?!?! Am I crazy?? But I guess it's different, because I'm learning to be more sensitive to other people instead of myself. I'm learning to look outside myself and my own jumble of emotions, problems, decisions on what kind of soap to buy.
I'm a pretty sensitive person already. I care about people, perhaps too much, and I've always been concerned and have wanted to help others with their problems. But lately I've been thinking that I still have a ways to go.
Maybe I'm just becoming a democrat (don't tell my parents!!) but today I found myself wanting to and actually speaking words of comfort and support to a classmate who recently had an abortion. A brave soul to tell her story to the class, she was concerned that we were going to judge her, to which I replied,
"How could we judge you?" How could I judge her?
Oh man, this goes against everything I've stood for. Abortion. Taking the life of another human being. ...Murder.
For the same amount of time I've been mourning the loss of a self-centered, emotionally-unavailable boyfriend, she's been mourning the death of a child.
I think it was in understanding her. Understanding her situation. I don't know. I'm not saying I'm changing my position on the issue, but you know what? I found myself thinking she made the right decision, yet mourning with her because it wasn't the decision she wanted to make.
Still, I'm shocked at myself. How could I be so non-judgmental? So considerate? Encouraging even? How could I even care? This is NOT what I'm being taught at church.
So...........Being sensitive hurts. It's pretty difficult all-around. I'm starting to find out that it may even necessitate a paradigm shift. Oh no, not again. But I can't get away from a deep desire to be a more sensitive person, Christian. Is that masochistic? Well, maybe I am then.
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