Thursday, March 17, 2005
The Simple Things in Life
Wow it is amazing how much I take for granted. Over the last few weeks I'm noticed how ungrateful I truely am with my friends, with what has been provided for me, and with how I've responded to opportunities afforded me.
In the last few days I've pulled off papers that should have taken weeks to do in hours. I know that since I'm tired I cannot claim full power on these, but at the same time I know because I've left much deep in my brain there is much available subconsciously at times like these. I have also noticed myself not being satisfied with either opportunities I did not prepare for or did not follow through with when the chance arrived.
What does this mean? Well I've been told by friends I'm alot more irritable. I've found that I want to bug and tease alot more which would show that I'm not satisfied. I want....I want....I want....I want....I want.... There are some legitimate fears. Fears of not being provided for in finances, love, health, being given a future.
So what do I do to over come? How does one just be satisfied, let stuff go, be content, be thankful? It is harder than it sounds and I find that trust isn't the answer, but heart surgery is. I need to break my heart in such a way that allows me to appreciate provision as a gift, see my weaknesses as a strength, accept when I screwup and the consequences that come with that, and be ready to leap at the chance of opportunity.
I know there is something to deal with and I'm happy that there is grace and mercy in this world, so that I don't have to be caught in the trappings, but can let go. I can get 8+ hours sleep, eat 3 square meals a day, work hard 6 days a week and take a day of rest to myself, but most of all know that there is nothing on this world greater than this moment to change and move forward.
In the last few days I've pulled off papers that should have taken weeks to do in hours. I know that since I'm tired I cannot claim full power on these, but at the same time I know because I've left much deep in my brain there is much available subconsciously at times like these. I have also noticed myself not being satisfied with either opportunities I did not prepare for or did not follow through with when the chance arrived.
What does this mean? Well I've been told by friends I'm alot more irritable. I've found that I want to bug and tease alot more which would show that I'm not satisfied. I want....I want....I want....I want....I want.... There are some legitimate fears. Fears of not being provided for in finances, love, health, being given a future.
So what do I do to over come? How does one just be satisfied, let stuff go, be content, be thankful? It is harder than it sounds and I find that trust isn't the answer, but heart surgery is. I need to break my heart in such a way that allows me to appreciate provision as a gift, see my weaknesses as a strength, accept when I screwup and the consequences that come with that, and be ready to leap at the chance of opportunity.
I know there is something to deal with and I'm happy that there is grace and mercy in this world, so that I don't have to be caught in the trappings, but can let go. I can get 8+ hours sleep, eat 3 square meals a day, work hard 6 days a week and take a day of rest to myself, but most of all know that there is nothing on this world greater than this moment to change and move forward.
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