Why Be Good When Your Best Isn't Good Enough?

Where did the time go? I remember some of my childhood. I remember being a teen. The twenties were a blur and now I'm 30ish :D. I'm listening tonight to music that existed BEFORE most of the people at my college did (and I heard it when it first came out and loved it then). Here comes "Love Walks In" by Van Halen. (Deep sigh)

I have dreams for the future but my past seems to act like a boat anchor dragging and slowing me down. I miss those moments - pain and good. I miss the people who are gone: Kyle Mackenzie; Jeremy Nelson; Bill Albiston; Grandma and Grandpa. I miss the naive innocence that I once had - even if it was shattered by 2 rounds of cancer and way too much death. I even miss being a geeky guy who couldn't get a date to save his life (if I could have back the facts of life I just don't want to be carrying).

I walk around a society today that has lost its innocence also, but without going through the pain I have. I remember the first shuttle disaster and now we've lost 2 more since then. The USA has been bombed in Urban North America. Conspiracy theory is the staple of society and Theology is the pivot on which it hangs. Though the Theology exists within a culture that is still foreign to me 10 years into it...

I would not trade my relationship with God for 1 second, but still I miss my friends; I miss the bliss of naiveness; I miss feeling safe to make a fool of myself instead of the responsibility my decisions now carry. Am I ready? I believe so, but feel so inadequate doing this without someone who values the vision I carry. I only hope that once I start sharing this vision post school I can release some of this weight for the weight of follow through. Then I'll have future and something more to look back on should I need.

# posted by Ozmang @ 1:00 a.m.