Why Be Good When Your Best Isn't Good Enough?

"Whats up?" they ask. "Why don't you write?" they ask. I'd love to tell you it was because I didn't have something pithy to say; I'd love to say I was off slaying dragons; but I can't. I was getting bogged down in the mundane. Job, school, people, people problems, bills, BLAH.

A wise writer once wrote "Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and everything what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless . . ." My failing computer (meaningless); classes without taking the substance from them (meaningless); my job without enjoying the time I'm there (meaningless); my friends without enjoying them for them (meaningless). I'm not meloncholic, but I am introspective right now. I'm relooking at what I have AND why I have it. I have amassed things that are just things and partly why I was so willing to remove most the stuff from my computer and near crash it into a non-recoverable state. I swore I'd never smash CD's for their moral significance, but I found myself crushing and smashing disks of illegal software, mp3's and ripped movies.

I found myself asking a well read missionary my own age for recommended books that went beyond standard post-modern thought and would actually challenge my mind and thoughts and help me to focus beyond the fuzzy warm confirmation of my thoughts and feelings. I had to redefine why I was taking the final 3 classes of my degree. Was it because I had to?; was it because I was fact finding?; was it to glean wisdom and experience from my prof?

Sorry I know this isn't very thoughtful, just I don't know what to write. My ideas are turned around from offence to support; my plans have ceased to be agressive but more group introspective with lots of patience; I don't know what to expect, but still I expect something; I feel helpless, yet still I feel matured . . . A key figure in my history text said "Where do we go from here?" and I agree.

Cummon folks lets blog, let think and lets expect....